Monday, March 26, 2007
Something's wrong with blogger. That explains the move. I hope I can pass. I want to get that card soon. Today's lunch is the best lunch I have had in days. Not so much the food maybe, but it was really nice. Very often, people think that complicated things are difficult to explain but they do not realise that the simplest things are in fact the hardest things to explain. Take a piece of music for example. One may be amazed at how a composer puts together all the different pitches and timbres to make a beautiful piece. It may be difficult to explain, but the basic components which makes that up is sound. How is sound formed? Why does vibrations produce sound, or rather, how does the contration and expansion of molecules give out sound?
Friday, March 23, 2007
I am tired. I need a good rest.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
I'm at the threshold. Losing all senses. Should I stop wasting resources and contribute to the number that everyone will eventually contribute? The screaming has become intolerable. I do not believe it. I need to find something to suck my time. It has become dangerous.
I want to go for a car ride. My mind is lost. I left my keys in the lock again. I feel like a red ant from under. I shall not.
I have loads and loads of things going on in my mind, but most of it I shall not post here. Perhaps, one of our greatest fears is that of failure. This is rather indisputable. I guess the reason behind that is that we do not enjoy the sensation of being disappointed. Disappointment may not be that bad after all, because it is only when we meet with a disappointment that we feel more grateful for the things that happen after that. On the other hand, if we encounter one disappointment after another, will we still be able to endure the torment and torture of feeling betrayed, of feeling a sense of failure, of feeling hurt? I do often wonder, and still wonder if being a person who does not care and bother about anything makes one a happier person. Is it that difficult for a leopard to change its spots? Is it that difficult to become a person who does not care about what is going on? Some things seem never to work. I guess some things take time to get used to and to work.
As with my previous post about not planning, I would like to clarify that there is a quote which goes "not planning is planning to fail". In some cases, I would not dispute that claim. However, in certain circumstances, not planning leads to a lesser extent of disappointment and maybe even resentment. We have to come to terms that life is unpredictable and that things more than often, do not go according to plan. Hence, being flexible is the best option, also to avoid disappointment.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Probably planning is not a good thing. Things often do not turn out as planned. This is a fact, so don't waste time planning.
After one rather bad experience, yesterday night was slightly better. However, I seemed to be much more busy than the first time. The last time, I even had enough time to do something else comfortably while doing the things I should be doing, but last night, it somehow seemed a little more difficult to manage just doing one thing. It does seem as though quite a lot of things are not going smoothly. I know friction is useful, but too much is definitely not. I do wonder if it pays to do more. It does seem though, that the less bothered one is with things that go on, the happier one is.
I have too many things that I want to do, but I don't get to do it though I have the time to. I want to sell my time.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Free flow, but none be snatched.
Forlorn, but whole be ignored.
Vista, fully shrouded.
Verve, zilch remained.
I no longer have much to say. Everything seems meaningless now. All the hardship, all the obstacles that have been overcome now seems totally worthless. I believe I am truly dumb enough to not have thought about that before this. Anyway, I think I get the meaning behind it, though it could have been much more direct than this. I would not have done a million things if I had known that this would happen, but it is too late. I am thankful for the 'haze' and I'm hoping that it is actually some toxic released into the air by some enemy so that all these will end when the rest of the world wakes up to find me asleep.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
The insensitive leech shall perish.
Monday, March 12, 2007
I guess that one year ago, I would have been busy practising for the Hawaii trip. This year it feels so different. I have not been to band for at least a month. I might have lost some interest. Wait, change that to a lot of interest. Probably I'll never get to play in a good band anytime soon. It makes no difference anyway, I don't think I can play anything decently now. Can the next 23 hours pass more quickly? The wait is killing me. I feel very tired and bored. The little bit of self motivation that keeps me going has seem to have faded.
So much for now.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Tiring day. Physically and mentally drained. I cannot believe what I did yesterday and I shall not elaborate. I hope I can forget about that incident soon. Since we should all forgive and forget, I think I should learn to forgive myself and forget about it. Or should I forget about forgiving myself? Points to ponder. Would you rather run away from a potentially dangerous situation or risk waiting there? Would you rather dream or experience it in real life? We all know what we do not want, but what exactly do we want?
If anyone is free enough to provide me with answers to those questions, kindly email me.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Sometimes, people think they are seeing things but I think I'm smelling things. Probably the result of having bad eyesight. Anyway, it has been experimentally proven that a blind person does indeed have a better sense of hearing, touch and smell than the average human being. What I am saying makes no sense, but I guess it makes dollars, and that is much better. I just became slightly richer, but that small amount is enough to please me. If the same thing could happen every day, it would be great. I request for better food yet again. Tomorrow is the last lesson.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I would rather not eat than to eat the kind of food I see. I don't know what is wrong but the food provided seems to make me lose my appetite. Nothing much seems to go right anyway. I don't feel like doing anything. I think I am beginning to lose interest in almost everything. I cannot be bothered with much things. Save your breath if you are going to criticise me.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I request for better food. Give me the money and let me buy my own lunch and I will still be able to save half of it. I am so exhausted. I think I will drop dead by the end of the week.
Monday, March 05, 2007
How does it feel to be accused? How long many times can you withstand being accused by someone you trust before you get irritated? Now that you have something to ponder on, you won't need to continue reading to kill time. (That's a good example of maybe wrongfully accusing someone.)
Sunday, March 04, 2007
271 more days. I wonder if it would be the start or the end. Either way, I guess it would be quite the same. I wonder what the rest of the world is doing. Perhaps obsession is not a good thing. It simply makes others irritated. So, being obsessed is one good way of irritating others.
I am going to get my second time tomorrow evening, hopefully I would have enough experience after the first time last week and be better at it this time.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
I managed to see my rainbow. They say that rainbows are the most beautiful in the evening, and I think it is true.
There was a brief downpour but no rainbow. I hope I get to see my rainbow soon. Let it rain, let it pour.
I hope it rains until I wake up later (if i manage to sleep). I want to see my rainbow.
Time is cruel. It is either you do it or forget about it. There is no leeway to regret having done or not having done something. There's no turning back. That is something that could be considered good as well though. At least we know we do not grow younger by the day and that every breath that we take or do not take will lead us closer to the end (probably those breaths that we do not take will lead us to the end faster). I wonder why it is that some people do not think about the consequences of what they are going to say before they speak it out. I guess they themselves do not take the words of others seriously, and assume that others will not take their word seriously as well. These people should learn how to identify the times where they are allowed to joke and instances where jokes are not cordoned.
I think I have had enough criticisms. I really wish to thank a few people who have either always been there for me, helped me, taught me, advised me, believed in me and supported me. These group of people have become very rare. I believe all those who have helped me know who they are. Thanks a million.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Too much has been going on in my mind. I do not think that it is ever possible for me to type out all of it. Some things in life just seem too difficult to comprehend, and some people try to be smart, coming up with theories to delude others by playing around with hypothetical examples on why some things are happening. One of which is that people are insatiable, and most of the time, nobody realises that. Probably, it is only when something really unfortunate happens that one will start regretting wanting so much. I can't seem to get a control of my mind now. It just keeps wondering. I guess nothing is fixed in this world now. Everything can be argued, and the person with the best argument wins. You can say whatever you want, for I don't really care much anymore. I'm beginning to lose intrest in the things that are going on. I cannot be bothered to fight or come up with a better argument anymore. I tired of all these. It is too much for me to take.
It does not really matter anymore, what others think because I don't care. Since it is impossible to please everyone. Not many people show true appreciation and gratitude for the things that have been done for them. Probably it does not pay to be kind, considerate or helpful anymore and being selfish is the only way. Just from today, I have observed that many people do not spare a thought for others. This includes myself as well and I'm not going to give any excuse for having not spared a thought for everyone. Maybe the period for civics and moral education should be removed from timetables. All of those do not seem to work. So many people blatantly jump queues, pretend to be ignorant, smoke in non-smoking areas, litter on the ground, pee in the lifts, and the list never ends. I should begin to be less helpful and more selfish. This is the only way my life won't get affected by others.
I don't think I will want to sleep tonight. My mind will not stop wondering. I am coming back to believing that not to live is better than to live. I shall not explain, probably because I cannot be bothered to anymore. Looks like I'm learning fast. I can't be bothered to type any more either.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
I realise that my command of the English language has sharply declined, and that isn't something to be proud of. I got quite some shocks at how 'broken' my sentences are, when I look at what I have written or typed. So much for trying to translate another language word for word. If you do not believe me, try translating verbally the Chinese newspaper, word for word, daily for two weeks. I will seriously be surprised if you can still speak good English. I did something for the first time today. I can say that it was quite thrilling, but probably I was a little too excited and overdid a few things. It was still a great experience though.
Before I forget, all the best to everyone receiving results tomorrow!
