It is getting worse than ever. It usually wouldn't last for more than two days. This time, it looks set to stay for good. I may just have to put on a pretence though I've have almost totally given up all hope that anything will change from now on. I'm too exhausted and beat to resist in any way or attempt to struggle any more. If it decides to take me, I'll just comply.

Even the sea has lost its magical powers. I wonder what is left of the past; not that I want to go back in time - I cannot imagine having to relive this week. Taking each step is even more torturous than completing a marathon. I feel as though I'm becoming more and more like a criminal.

Nothing is going right.

This week has been quite a horrible week. Individual days were not as bad as the worst days I've experienced but this week as a whole has been rather unpleasant though I was allowed to do my own things most of the time.

I am starting to be very impatient at a lot of things, especially at work. I don't know if it is because my term is almost up and I cannot be bothered to ensure that everything goes without any hiccup any more or if it is because some people are getting more and more ridiculous with their requests or should I say demands. I hate to say this but I really don't understand why some people have to make me do something as simple as copying and pasting a file on the computer when they are already in the folder containing the file that needs to be copied. Even more ridiculous is how some people make such a big fuss over a broken collar pin but yet wear slippers instead of the proper shoes and make ridiculous demands but do not manage to even fulfil those demands themselves. I really feel like stuffing their mouths to the brim with freshly ground chilli padi and shoving socks soaked in ammonia up their nostrils.

I wonder what next week will be like.

Things don't feel too good lately. I don't know if I want them to get better or just get worse until it can no longer get any worse. I feel like giving everything up.

I just wish that there are people who will listen to me talk. I feel like cycling to East Coast Park now despite just having walked half the way back from Marine Parade. It has also just dawned on me that all the "special days" or dates that suppose to mean more than ordinary days are usually the most miserable days. All the elaboration shall be kept in my mind, where hopefully will be fully forgotten after some time.

I feel like giving up on everything right now. Sometimes all the effort I put into do something well just does not pay off. I don't know why I still bother to even attempt doing anything now.

Randomness. What is next?

This week, running isn't the torture. It's being tormented that is torturing me. I've realised that Monday evenings are the times I should do whatever it takes to avoid being at home. This week didn't start pleasantly. It is still rather bad so far. I'm just hoping that it does get better and that I'll have an easy time tomorrow night at duty.

Anyway, since last month, I have become an amateur in terms of experience. I used to be able to help people out with some valuable experience but now, I'm afraid it's me who lack the experience and I find myself totally helpless and unable to help in any way when asked to. It's not that I'm reluctant to help. I want to but am unable to.

Anyway, I don't know what on earth has been going on for the past two weeks. Huge, massive changes to so many things so suddenly. Yes, I know that I'm of no importance and no one need consult me before those changes are implemented. Even if I'm asked, whether or not I agree or disagree, the result would still be the same. It feels like "talking to the hand" kind of thing.

I wish I can fall back to some time around two years ago and stay there.