I just need to know more but it is so hard just to find out more without causing unhappiness. Maybe I am no longer as patient as before? I don't know. It is difficult to have the "can't be bothered" attitude in such a situation but is it the only way out? I need much more than a miracle to salvage the whole thing. I wonder if everything were meant to turn out this way and that the events taking place are merely taking its course and I won't be able to do anything about it. I shall try to take a back-seat for now and see how it all turns out.

Despite all these, there were some good things that happened this week. Friday evening was one of the better days. It was not as wonderful as I would have dreamt it to be but it was good enough. Probably I need to exercise more and do more of some things before everything can be as good as dreams get.

I wish somebody would help me. I feel as if I'm struggling yet sinking deeper. I don't know if I should try relaxing and risk either sinking deeper or start floating. But the very thought of sinking deeper is too much for me to take. I need help.